Today I found out that I still had a chance to submit my assesment several days ago. Ever since April the 4th I’ve been constantly having problems with my relationship, and it has impacted me greatly. And ever since that day my depression has taken over me. I’ve missed my last lectures, I haven’t finished my process posts, and I’m even reluctant to submit an assessment. Every other day I find myself sobbing so terribly that I can’t even function. I never thought that I would be that person who lets emotions take control of their life. But it has happened. All I ever want to do is run away. I just want to run away from everything and everyone.
So today I decided that I should submit an assessment anyway, even though I know it’s way too late. I made this decision because I feel like it’s the first step of taking back control of my life. I need to stop running away.
I find it extremely hard to open up to anyone about this problem I have. So sharing it to the public is a huge step.
This post is the start of my recovery.
I remember I had this problem when I was in highschool. Except it was more anxiety than depression. I didn’t want to face my teachers because my emotions stopped me from going to class at times. I was scared of what they thought of me. My grades dropped, causing even more anxiety about getting into university. But I remember how supportive my Math teacher was. He listened to what was going on in my life and gave me advice and leniency. He made me tear up, because of how kind and inspiring he was.
This time it’s even worse because I’m failing. And it feels like I’m going to fail in life. I know that in the next semesters to come, I can make up for how terrible this semester was. But in order to do that, I need to be more confident and worry less about being a failure.
Next time I feel that fear of failure, I want to come back to this blog post and rememeber that I can do it.
That I can be better.